Emerging from a Chrysalis

When trying to think of an appropriate geeky metaphor for my life, the chrysalis of a butterfly came to mind.

To an outside observer the chrysalis (cocoon) of the butterfly looks dead and static.  But it's a time of great internal change before a rebirth.

As a Latter Day Saint (Mormon), I've experienced baptism by water.  This is a process of fully immersing yourself in the waters of the font, and coming out cleansed of your past and your sins.  It's an important symbol of the break from the past, and starting anew as a convert.  But conversion is a much longer process then this ritual event.  It's a lifelong process for most of us.

The basics of conversion, or maybe just being a better human, is shifting your focus from yourself to your love ones and then outwards.  It is so easy when you are sick to turn inwards.  It's also easy to shift your focal point to a loved one.  It can be a lot harder to help the needy stranger when your inner two year old wants what it wants NOW. 

An interesting example of this happened when dad was first hospitalized with this relapse.  As expected, my attention was very focused on my parents.  But a call from the Bishop (the LDS lay-leader of the local congregation) asked if we could help a woman who was escaping an abusive situation.  Now my first response was a big NO.  We have too much to worry about right now.  But then we decided to help her.  And it actually turned out to be a very good thing to re-ground both me and my husband.  

Despite everything that had gone on with dad, and money, and jobs et al.  We were still blessed.  I don't know where my path will lead me.  The last few years have been hard.  And in a lot of ways I have been living in a cocoon, separated from the world.  Now its time to show the world the beautiful person I've become.  And follow the path that Heavenly Father lays before me.